


Twitterpated

by chase_acow



Category: Stargate Atlantis RPF
Genre: M/M, Twitter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-06
Updated: 2007-09-06
Packaged: 2017-10-17 18:47:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/180066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chase_acow/pseuds/chase_acow





	Twitterpated

_**SGA RPS ~ Joe/David ~ PG-13**_  
 **Title** : Twitterpated  
 **Fandom/Pairing** : SGA RPS Joe/David  
 **Rating** : PG-13  
 **Disclaimer** : THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION = SO NOT REAL! If anyone's confused, I could make a diagram or perhaps a pie chart.  
 **Summary** : _dhewletttwiter: Flanigan uses girly hair styling products, I think it’s soaking into his brain and turning him. Must watch closely._  
 **A/N** : Not betaed, feel free to point out typos and what not.

  
 _dhewletttwiter: Woke to Mars kisses. Not the best way to start the morning. NEED COFFEE!_

David stumbled into the set, flipping his phone shut and shambled zombie like over to the break table. He ignored the lighting crew queued up and elbowed Joe out of the way so he could be first in line. Nobody got between him and his coffee in the morning, though he did half-heartedly mumble ‘sorry’ under his breath before he gulped down his first cup and refilled it to the brim with more coffee.

He hated early calls with a passion usually reserved for telemarketers and American politics, and that was even when he hadn’t been up all night writing promos for _A Dog’s Breakfast_ and _Starcrossed_. Five am was just an unholy time of day, and this morning it was just him and Joe shooting pick up shots in yet another semi-underground bunker. He’d have thought Sheppard and McKay would have been able to spot them better by now. It was just a good thing McKay was supposed to look sleep deprived and frazzled, the makeup girls would have a ball with him.

“Morning David,” Joe said sitting down in his chair next to David, and unfolding his newspaper, splaying his legs wide into the aisle.

Grunting, David pulled his phone back out and flipped it open, using his thumbs to key in another text message to Kate. Normally, he was much less surly, but the late nights were adding up on him, and Mars kept getting infested with fleas and hated baths as much as David did - Mars baths actually, as David was rather partial to a bubble bath now and then

He was still pining away after Jane, Mars that is, not David, as he had to remind himself in the mirror every morning for a week after she left. Talking to her regularly over the state of their film didn’t help matters any, but he still felt like he dodged a bullet there. The Jane shaped hole in his life was filling in rather faster than he thought it would, partially because his nights were filled with dreams of another somebody.

“All right folks, where were we?” Martin asked as he walked through the door to backstage area.

“The Colonel was getting overly affectionate with his chief science officer,” David answered, quickly looking to his left to avoid the glare Joe was sending his way. Really, Joe-baiting should be considered a sport, and David was the king.

“Oh, that’s right,” Martin said making a note on his clipboard. David had a theory that Martin was actually playing sudoku but since he guarded that clipboard better than his first-born child, David would probably never know. Martin continued, “Gentlemen, if you’ll take your places.”

David sighed the sigh of the incredibly put upon and walked up on the set and the markers from yesterday. His knees cracked as he bent over and collapsed on his back on the cold metal letting his arms and legs fall spread eagle. Joe grimaced and sank down a little more gracefully but with just as loud a crack of his joints.

He settled half on top of David, their chests pressed together as Colonel Sheppard was attempting to protect McKay from falling debris. The writers, in their infinite wisdom had also written a whole page of dialog to go along with it. David heard that Martin was going to cut to commercial with this scene ending in a close up of Sheppard and McKay with their faces pressed closely together, panting with fear. That had earned more than one eye roll from David and more than one jerk off session before going to set.

“Just a second, guys,” Martin called out, his voice moving across set as he spoke, “I just have to check on one more thing.”

“Take your time!” David yelled back, wiggling a little bit so he could lean his head against a conveniently placed foam pipe. Joe was close enough that David could smell his aftershave and see the gold flecks outlining the iris of his eyes. “I’m not going anywhere!”

“You like it. You think you could get a nap out of this,” Joe smirked, crossing his arms on David’s chest and resting his head on his interlaced fingers. “You’re pretty comfortable to lie on, actually.”

“Well, if you’d stop counting calories, you’d be more comfortable too,” David said pulling up one leg to put his foot against the ground and shifting under Joe. “Seriously, if you were any bonier, you’d be poking holes in me. God, the girls are going to love this.”

“What girls?” Joe asked, his eyebrows mashing together on his forehead and giving him an air of dazed and confused.

“The fangirls,” David said, and at Joe’s black stare continued, “Are you kidding me? You seriously never Google your own name do you? Oh well, it’s probably for the best, you wouldn’t understand anyway, _Post_ reader that you are.”

“What does my newspaper have to do with anything?” Joe asked, tilting his head to the side so that the stage lights shone through his scarily alive looking hair.

“If you have to ask, then you wouldn’t understand,” David said smugly, knowing he was leagues ahead of Flanigan in the technical world, iPhone possession notwithstanding. “And by the way is that a new product in your hair? It’s anime spiky and smells like lilacs.”

“Hey!” Joe said angrily winding up just as Martin came back on set and called for attention.

 _dhewletttwiter: Flanigan uses girly hair styling products, I think it’s soaking into his brain and turning him. Must watch closely._

  


**

  
“Morning David - run,” was the way that Rachael greeted him the next morning when he came on set at the slightly more holy hour of nine. She was dressed and in makeup already, holding a Styrofoam cup and grinning at him in a way that boded no good.

“What?” he asked, blinking at her, usually she made a little more sense. She lifted an eyebrow at the same time he heard Joe shout from behind him.

“Hewlett!”

“And that’s my cue to go,” David said hurriedly handing Torri his mug of coffee and ducking around her to run down the parking lot. He didn’t know exactly why Joe would yell his name in that tone, but he could come up with two or three reasons, and none of them ended in Joe giving him flowers or chocolate.

“Get back here, you coward!” Joe yelled, and really it was no contest, Joe caught up to him quickly and hauled him between two trailers off the beaten path. “I took your advice and Googled my name last night, and surprisingly enough women’s hair care products popped up. Do you have any idea why it would do that?”

“Um, no?” David tried, because there was seldom harm in trying to lie his way out of these messes though Joe was usually the only one to see through him.

“Fix it!” Joe demanded.

“Okay, okay, sheesh,” David said fishing his phone out of his pocket and rapidly hitting buttons. He’d liked Joe better when he didn’t know the difference between a search engine and steam engine. “Don’t get all bent out of shape about it.”

 _dhewletttwiter: Flanigan keeps touching me, at least I don’t have any pigtails to_

There was silence for a few moments until Joe, frantically grabbed David’s arm and jerked him around asking suspiciously, “Wait, what are you writing now?”

“Nothing!” David yelled, hitting the delete button before Joe could grab it away from him. He held his phone as far away from his body as he could while trying to keep Joe away.

Finally, Joe won their impromptu battle of keep away and pulled David around until David’s back was to his front so he could look over David’s shoulder. His whiskers scratched along David’s neck and his warm breath puffed across David’s cheek as he said, “Now, fix it while I watch.”

“You know, I’m starting to get the feeling that you don’t trust me,” David sniffed, reloading the page he wanted and trying desperately to ignore the hot body so close behind him. The dratted wardrobe girls had made him wear his ‘no sitting’ pants this morning and as little room there was in the back, there was less in the front.

“About as far as I can throw you,” Joe cheerfully agreed grabbing David’s other shoulder with his free hand so that they were bracketed together, “which we can find out later, if you really want to know.”

“No thank you, I’m good,” David muttered letting his thumbs fly over the keypad, signing into his twitter account. He’d rather drop his hand a little further south and let his thumbs rub along his zipper until he found a some release.

 _dhewletttwitter: Correction, Flanigan is a manly man, who smells of manly scents… like Old Spice. Hold me back…_

“There now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Joe asked letting David go and stepping back to tug his uniform jacket to rights and run a hand through his hair to ruffle it to new heights. His cheeks were stained with a pink blush that continued down the sides of his neck, and David could only imagine further.

David glared, hunching over so that his t-shirt would cover at least a little bit of bulge in the front of his pants and hoping that Joe wouldn’t notice and just leave him alone to take care of it. “Nope,” he said with just a tad of a McKay sneer. “Not hard at all.”

“All right, I’ll, uh, I’ll see you on set,” Joe said edging away from David and back toward the populated areas. As soon as he could, he pivoted and made a fast getaway, his boots crunching on the gravel lined path and sending up puffs of dust behind him.

Not answering, David waited until Joe was out of sight before flipping his phone back open.

 _dhewletttwitter: But he does have very dainty hands, if a tad hairsuit._

  


**

  
"I am not hairy."

David groaned to himself and held the door open wider so Joe could slide past him into the kitchen. It was their day off, and David had expected to spend it half dressed in front of the TV with his laptop propped up on his belly. He cinched his bathrobe, neither blue nor fuzzy but a threadbare puke red color he'd had for years, and closed the door behind him.

"You know Flanigan," David called as he padded down the hallway in Joe's wake. His socked feet slid a little on the linoleum and he slowed down to give himself more of a chance to calm his heart rate down, "that's a pretty flimsy excuse for visiting. And yes you are."

Joe scowled up at him from where he was crouched down petting Mars. His knees were spread to keep his balance, and for a moment, David would have given anything to be able to trade places with Mars so he could be there in between them. Joe stood, brushing his hands together to get off the excess dog fur and said, "I'm a _guy_ , David. Guys are _supposed_ to be hairy."

"Just keep telling yourself that," David answered, trying desperately not to flash back through every time he'd seen Joe's naked chest. Trying to distract both of them, he quickly walked over to the TV and picked up a box, "Hey I finally picked up season ten of SG-1. Wanna watch a couple of episodes?"

Too late, he realized that watching TV would mean that he and Joe would have to sit on the rather cramped for two, and ironically named considering Jane had left it just to spite him, loveseat. David hadn't gotten around to replacing the other furniture in the living room yet, and he desperately hoped that Joe would say no that he had better things to do.

"Sure," Joe said and David's gut rolled. "You got anything to drink?"

David sputtered for show, because that was what people expected of him and flailed his arms a bit because sometimes flailing was all a person could do. "What?" he demanded slipping into his 'McKay' voice, "Not only do I have to entertain you but I have to provide beverage now too?"

Joe stared at him with a blank expression; only the tale tail twitching at the corner of one eye betrayed his desire to laugh. He nodded solemnly and said, "I'll just go check the refrigerator then."

Sighing, David waved him off and ducked back to his bedroom to at least put some pants on. Only pants could save him now.

  


**

  
"Now if Sheppard were there, that wouldn't have happened," Joe said for what was probably only the millionth time that afternoon.

After he found out that Joe hadn't watched more than a couple of episodes of season nine, David had made him sit to watch the more pertinent episodes. What followed had been frequently loud outbursts, two poking wars, a debate of the relative merits of Teyla versus Sam jello-fest and Joe making pathetic eyes at him until he got up to make popcorn. The day had zipped by, and before he knew it, David was watching the sunset splash over Joe's face.

“See, I wouldn’t have let Daniel go, it’s obviously a trap,” Joe continued gesturing vaguely toward the television. He was sprawled sideways on his side of the couch so that his knee and shin pressed against David’s. The entire afternoon had been spent in such David torture including the five minutes that Joe spent licking butter off his fingers.

David snorted, “Right because Daniel is so good at following orders. Hey, maybe Sheppard is his hero!”

He was going very slightly mad from having Joe so close for so long. This was the first time they’d really hung out again since he had the house to himself. Sure, they been buddies around on set, but this was so much more intimate. All he could think about was that if he moved his hand two inches to the left, his palm would be covering Joe’s knee.

“I’m just saying,” Joe shrugged, stretching and leaving his arm draped over the back of the couch and close to David’s neck. “I think it’s obvious that Mitchell is over compensating.”

“For what?” David asked letting his head fall to the side so he could see the other side of the couch. “No offense, but I think his gun’s bigger than yours.”

Joe straitened up and leaned forward earnestly, removing the warmth at both David’s knee and neck. “First, no he doesn’t,” Joe said holding up a finger in David’s face and wiggling it back and forth. He was where Sheppard’s smug look, something Joe rarely did, “Second it’s because he has a thing for Daniel.”

“’A thing’?” David repeated skeptically unsure if Joe was talking about what he thought Joe was talking about or whether he was just projecting. He did that sometimes, not that he meant to, but sometimes, it was just easier.

“Yeah, there’s no good reason to let Daniel go, but there’s also no good reason not too,” Joe explained holding his hands out palms up and catching David’s eye. “So he tries to prove that he doesn’t care and he’s not trying to protect Daniel specifically by letting him go.”

“That’s…” David searched for a word, he had a decent vocabulary, McKay had an extensive vocabulary, but at the moment all he could come up with was, “stupid.”

Joe rolled his eyes and settled back on the couch, carefully making and keeping at least an inch buffer between their bodies. “Whatever,” he said, and then dug his phone out of his pocket. “Wanna order some pizza? My treat?”

Feeling as though he’d missed something important, David nodded, “Ask them to put mushrooms over half.”

Three episodes and five pieces of pizza later, David darted a quick glance at Joe. “So, what would Sheppard have done?” he asked casually picking at some sauce that he spilled on his robe. Too late, he thought that he probably should have put on something else.

“If it was McKay, Sheppard would have gone with him,” Joe said, his eyes still glued to the screen though his voice was rich and rolled over David’s senses. He had inched back over to the middle of the love seat, leaning comfortably into the crack between the cushions.

David, holding his breath shifted so that he was pressed up against Joe from shoulder to thigh. He let out his breath as Joe shrugged, burrowing down and in closer to David.

  


**

  
When he woke up, it was dark inside and out with the only illumination coming from the blue DVD menu. One of the windows was still open letting in the slight chill from an early autumn night, but he was comfortable, warmth pressed all along his left side. There was a terrible crick in his neck and his stomach was nervously growling.

Joe had his face mashed into David’s shoulder with both hands tucked in between them. He’d kicked off his shoes and had both legs curled up on the couch. He was breathing softly and his eyelids briefly flickered. He looked beautiful; totally peaceful like a statue glowing in the soft light.

David couldn’t help the perverse impulse to poke Joe in the head.

“Hey,” he stage whispered, feeling silly but unwilling to talk any louder. He noticed that Mars was in front of the TV sleeping with his head in the now empty pizza box. “Hey, we fell asleep.”

“Then shut up and let me sleep,” Joe mumbled blearily shifting restlessly until he finally climbed up on David and manhandled him until they were both stretched out horizontal over the definitely too small couch. Their limbs were folded around each other and Joe was making David into a cozy pillow yet again.

“Okay,” David squeaked looking down at Joe’s hair where he had his cheek pressed against David’s chest. His heart had to be racing a million miles a minute, but Joe just sighed and moved his thumb over David’s hip in a comforting rhythm.

Closing his eyes, David let himself slip back to sleep, his hand reaching unerringly to palm the vulnerable back part of Joe’s neck.

 _dhewletttwitter: Woke up to kisses from not!Mars. Infinitely preferable and definitely the way to start the morning._


End file.
